Yep, I win Mom of
the Year, hands down. Last week was the
first week back to school for Owen. The
first week is more of an introductory week, so he was in class from 9 am -12 pm
instead of 9 am -1 pm. Travis and I both
dropped him off, but I went to pick him up from his first day. Travis called me right after 12 to see how
Owen’s first day went. It was then I realized I had not even left home yet to
pick Owen up.
Yeppers, you got
it. The very first day of school, I
forgot to pick up my son on time. So long Mom of the Year. I
called the school to let them know I would be late. I magically made it there in twenty
minutes. When I arrived at his room,
Owen was playing and did not even seem interested in leaving. Here I am about to cry because I forgot to
pick Owen up on time and he does not even know, nor does he seem to care.
I had been watching
the clock all morning to make sure I left on time to pick him up, yet I lost
track of time anyway. This past year has
been one to show me that no matter how much we plan for things and try to
control events, things can and will go wrong and not according to plan.
Throughout my
pregnancy with my daughter Addyson, my doctor had been watching a cyst on one
of my ovaries. It continued to grow
throughout my pregnancy, reaching the size of a small grapefruit. Due to its size and appearance on
ultrasounds, my doctor ran some blood work about a week or so after Addy was
born.
My parents had Addy
at their house, a couple of hours from mine, since Owen became sick and I did
not want my newborn becoming ill as well. He had become well enough for us to
bring Addy home, so I was driving down to my parents’ house to get her. I had
stopped at an outlet mall halfway there when I received a call from my doctor
to tell me the results of my blood work.
He said that the numbers indicated that I had cancer.
I cannot begin to
tell you how I felt at that moment standing on a sidewalk at an outlet mall by
myself and far from everyone and being told I technically have cancer. I sit here now tearing up thinking about
it. I can even tell you to this day
where I was standing. All I could do is
call my husband and tell him what the doctor said, leaving him feeling helpless
not being able to be there to comfort me.
Only my immediate family and a couple of people have ever known about
this. It is not something I feel
comfortable discussing, but I’m hoping my experience may help others.
I found myself about
a week later sitting in an oncology office with my two-year old and my about
three-week old. It was surreal, to say
the least. Most of the people in the
waiting room with me were about forty years older than I. I could sense through their stares that they
were feeling sorry for this young mom sitting there with her two kids.
After some tests and
discussion, we decided to remove the cyst which also entailed removing one of
my ovaries. My doctor said that he would
do a biopsy during the surgery to see if I indeed had cancer. If so, then they would explore and take out
more surrounding tissue. If not, then
they would remove only my ovary and the cyst.
I would not know until after the surgery what the results would be.
I woke up and was
told the news—my cyst was benign! Praise
the Lord! The burden taken off my shoulders
was enormous and freeing.
I started getting
back into the normal routine of life, at least as “normal” a life as one can
have with a newborn. As the next year
went by, I noticed myself enjoying the little things more and enjoying each and
every stage of development with my two children instead of trying to rush it
and wish for the next stage.
As the New Year came
around, I began thinking about the wonderful things that had happened in my
life, and noticed they all happened on odd years: I was engaged in 2005,
married in 2007, had my son in 2009, and had my daughter in 2011.
This year was 2013,
so I pondered openly on a Facebook post about what great things this year would
have for me. Little did I know what was
in store.
January turned out
to be one of the hardest months of my life.
Both of my kids had been having multiple illnesses and ear infections resulting
in multiple doctor and urgent care visits (and little to no sleep for myself),
so it was decided by the ENT to have tubes placed in their ears. Addy’s tubes were placed in first. About two
days later, Owen became ill with RSV and rhinovirus landing him in the hospital
for the tenth time since he was born, not including NICU. To be quite honest, we have lost count at
this point of how many times he has been in the hospital, but I know ten for
certain.
It was during this
time when my dad received the devastating news that he had pancreatic
cancer. He began chemo immediately. I was beginning to feel as if I was just
being pounded with one thing after another.
The weight of it all was so overwhelming and oppressive. I mean, doesn’t the saying go, “God will
never give you more than you can bear?”
It was in the middle
of all of this that I realized the truth.
God DOES give you more than you can bear. If He didn’t, we would never realize that we
need God all the time, not just occasionally or when it suits us. What God does promise is to be with us
through the valleys.
Just a few days ago
on Friday, my dad received the news that he is in remission! Prayer is a powerful thing, and through
prayer and God’s mercy, my dad is cancer free!
He was in the lowest valley of his life, yet I could tell that although
the chemo changed his personality while he was on it, he remained faithful and
relied on God to carry him through this otherwise unbearable trial. I’m not saying he did not have moments of
being overwhelmed, but he was able to come out of those low valleys to a higher
place because of his faith in God. His cancer
experience is a whole other story for another day. Let’s just say God is still in the business
of miracles.
Now, whenever I hear
or read “God will never give you more than you can bear,” it frustrates me that
this falsehood is being passed on from Christian to Christian. It gives a false sense of security that
nothing bad will ever happen to you that you will not be able to handle on your
own. When that hard time comes, many
Christians are shocked and overwhelmed by their circumstances.
God tells us that we
as Christians will face trials. We are
not exempt from these trials because we are Christians. In fact, we face many trials due to our being
Christians. The world laughs at us,
mocks our beliefs, criticizes our morals, and openly laughs at and mocks God
Himself. I say this as a reminder that
trials are not only physical and spiritual ones placed on us by God to grow us
as Christians and to use us for His glory.
Trials come at us from every direction and we can never plan for them,
but by walking with Christ and having a relationship with Him, we are better
prepared for when these trials come.
I find myself this
morning making a cake for a memorial service tonight for a three-week old
baby. The family never planned on having
their child leave this world so early.
They did everything they could to protect their child and do whatever it
took to keep him healthy and safe. Yet,
they lost their baby last Thursday in spite of it all.
You can be the most
organized planner in the world, but wrenches will be thrown into your perfect
plans that will cause complete chaos in your life. If you do not know Christ as your Savior or
do not have a close walk with Him, the chaos may seem unbearable, overwhelming;
but God is the Great Comforter who has promised to walk with us and give us
peace. My plans do not always happen,
but I have a peace knowing that no matter what triumphs or trials that come my
way, my God is able and He is with me.
As for the family of
this baby, please pray for them that God will be shown to the family during
this difficult time. Many members of the
family do not know the loving God that I know.
Those that do know Him are hurting with such heartache, so please pray
that they will know God’s peace through this time.
